we made out on top of his cat.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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