And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
