Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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