it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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