Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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