i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
