Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
