I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize