So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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