threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
