WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
