it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
