you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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