I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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