my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
