i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
