winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
