I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
