I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize