me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
