I accidentally had phone sex last night
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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