Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
