can u get pink eye on your cock?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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