i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
