Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
