If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Bring me that man meat
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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