I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
not ubering you a puppy
i think we sleep fucked last night...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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