I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize