He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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