Midget sex pt 2 tonight
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Randomize
