I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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