Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
