That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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