you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
