apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
