so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
