Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
