I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
