I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
