turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
