I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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