My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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