she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize