My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize