New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
