Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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