Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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