He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
