why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just got carded by a ten year old.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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