idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
