So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
