update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
