He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
