i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize