I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
