Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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