You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
