I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize