Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
