Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
