I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
