I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
