I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize