Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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