dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
