PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
