She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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