This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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