It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
