are you still at the devil's house?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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