so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
