Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
