my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
