I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
