Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
